Miranda's Love
by mlgummer
Summary: Established Mirandy. Miranda has a secret only Donatella knows about. Will she be able to tell Andréa? How will she tell Andréa? Miranda is not the Dragon Lady everyone thinks she is. One timer.


**I do not own anything from DWP I am just having a good time borrowing them for inspiration.**

**Non Beta. Deep down Miranda is not the Dragon Lady we all love.**

Miranda sat in her chair turned toward the window staring at the cars moving slowly along the street below. She laid her head back on the soft leather of the chair and closed her eyes trying to force back the tears that were threatening to fall. She had only been at work for maybe a half an hour. How was she going to make it through the rest of the day? She was so stupid to let the day catch up with her like this. This was the first year that she had forgotten, well, almost forgotten. She knew she had been harsh to her First assistant. She had not played the Dragon Lady card this hard since … since before she came.

* * *

It hit her as soon as she had awakened this morning. It, the memory made her sit straight up in bed. She remembered sweating, trembling, and breathing heavy. Then a warm hand had touched her making her jump. Had Miranda said something during the god awful dream?

"Miranda?" came a sleepy voice.

Miranda turned, climbed out of bed, and headed toward the bathroom closing the door behind her. She stood with her back up against the door while tears streamed down her face. What was she going to do? She did not know how she was going to make it at work. Dam how could she have forgotten not to arrange for the day to be kept clear for her? It had been easy every time before to give explanations such as she needed to be at the girl's school. No one ever questioned Miranda or paid any attention that she never worked the same day every year. It had always been on her mind, always. Nothing not even the birth of the girls could block it from her … until she came.

There was a knock at the door. "Miranda?"

Miranda could not risk her hearing the hurt and angst in her voice with a reply. Miranda quickly turned the shower on full blast and stepped in, the steaming hot water hitting her face and she almost screamed out. She stayed under the hot water as it turned her body red. Was she trying to punish herself, and if she was what was she being punished for? Forgetting? For not being there? Miranda shook her head that was stupid. Mich … Miranda shivered and the tears fell again. God what was happening, she could not even say the name anymore. Once finished she climbed out and pulled a thick warm towel around her. She looked into the mirror and saw written on the mirror in bright red lipstick, "I love you," and the tears once again fell. Miranda hung her head. She could not do this to her, leave her in the dark. How was she going to explain, hell she could not even explain it to herself.

Miranda took a deep breath and convinced herself she could do this. She was Miranda Priestly, and she could do anything. She would make it through the day and tonight she would tell her, no matter how hard it would be.

Once downstairs she saw Andréa pouring coffee in the kitchen. She walked over and gave her a kiss on the cheek and took a cup.

"Mmmmm I needed this." Miranda moaned, closing her eyes and swallowed the hot brew.

Andréa looked after Miranda, "Miranda is everything O.K?"

Miranda smiled, a forced smile, "Of course Sweetheart," then turned her back on her love.

Andréa frowned reaching out a hand to caress Miranda's shoulder, "But this morning."

Miranda just waved her off, "Some dream I think." She tried to smile again, Roy is here.

Andréa just nodded and soon they were in the back of the car off to Runway. Andréa sneaked quick looks at Miranda throughout the ride into the city. She knew something was going on with Miranda and it was not just some dream. Miranda spent the ride glaring out the window, she had not done that since before … before they acknowledged their love for each other. Andréa tried to hold Miranda's hand and let her know that she was loved, but Miranda just pulled away. Andréa gasped as she had not done this … ever. Miranda looked at Andréa and gave her that fake smile once again.

"I have a lot on my mind."

Andréa did not probe her any farther confused. Once in her office Andréa had phoned the First Assistant and told her to make sure Miranda had her coffee before she asked for it. Alexa hung up with Andréa and asked herself, "How in the world am I supposed to do that?"

Alexa jumped hearing her name. She ran into Miranda's inner office with her pad and pen. Miranda was still turned toward the window, "reschedule all my appointments for today." Alexa stood with her mouth open.

"Uhm … Miranda … uhm you have a lunch with …"

"That's all."

Alexa stood for a few more minutes.

"Now, Alexa. Close the door."

Alexa jumped and ran out of the office closing the door behind her. As she got to her desk she noted Miranda was still turned in her chair. It was only 10 in the morning. Alex placed a call to Andréa.

* * *

Miranda let the tears fall as soon as she heard the door close and it all came flooding back to her. Her heart was breaking all over again. All the feelings came flooding back as if it had just happened. The loss, emptiness, not knowing what to do. Feeling all alone.

She remembered sitting on the couch for hours stunned, then somehow was able to call Donatella and calmly asked her if she could come over. Miranda remembers being very calm as she opened the front door for her long time friend. She remembers Donatella asking why on earth she had been summoned to the apartment at three in the morning. Miranda was the only person Donatella would have done this for. Miranda had led Donatella into the small living room sat her on the couch and calmly and quietly told Donatella what had happened. Miranda had not a single tear in her eye. Donatella had been stunned, she pulled Miranda into her arms, but Miranda was not able to return the hug and shrugged her friend off as if nothing had happened. Donatella had no idea what to do so insisted Miranda needed to get some sleep. Miranda had agreed, but only if Donatella could stayed. Miranda needed her, someone. Once in bed the isolation and fear had returned and all she did was cry. Donatella could hear her through the wall and had no idea what to do with a crying Miranda. Miranda could not remember how many nights she had laid in bed sleepless after that. Every hour of the day and night blended together. She did not remember calling for plane tickets, eating, or doing anything else but watch her friend worry about her. Everything that followed was a blur.

Miranda stood up and walked to her private bathroom. She looked at her swollen red eyes in the mirror slowly closing them and his face was there. Her legs gave out as she slumped to the seat on the covered commode and laid her head in her arms that laid on the counter top. How could she have forgotten about him? It was unfair to him to let his memory slip away. Yes he had been juvenile to her in the beginning. The teasing, the aloofness, but then somehow he had changed. He became everything she had wanted in a friend, partner, and lover. She turned her head up to the ceiling, "was it wrong for me to finally have it all?" She whispered.

Then she heard the knock on her office door and she hissed. Her assistants knew not to bother her if the door was closed unless it was an emergency. She knew the girls were fine at their Fathers she had just skyped with them last night, and besides James would have called her on her private phone if he need to get in touch with her.

"Miranda." The sweet voice came from Andréa just on the other side of the bathroom door.

Then there was a knock, "Miranda, Miranda please let me in."

Miranda sat for a few minutes then got up opened the door and then went back to sit down her head resting in one of her hands. Andréa slowly opened the door and stepped inside.

Andréa stood with her back to the door, knob still in her hands, "Miranda. Miranda Babe you're scaring me. What is wrong? What is happening?"

Miranda shock her head, "It's nothing for you to worry about Sweetheart. I just need time, alone. I need to go home."

Andréa took a deep breath. Frowning she slowly moved over to Miranda and sat on the floor in front of the woman she loved more than life itself. After a few moments Andréa spoke, "I will worry Miranda. I worry about the littlest of things to do with you. I love you too much not to worry. You cannot ask me not to. Something big, serious is bothering you, and I wish you would trust me enough to tell me what it is."

Miranda buried her head in her hand. She saw through her lashes the love and concern in Andréa's face. Miranda hated discussing this with anyone. She hated seeing the pity and sympathy in other's eyes. This was not the case with Andréa.

Andréa studied Miranda closely and took a sharp breath in as she saw Miranda watching through those long dark lashes. The woman was beautiful and if not for the gray eyes would have been sexy as hell with that pose. Andréa cautiously settled her hand on one of Miranda's thighs and stroked it, "Miranda, please."

Andréa saw for a split second Miranda's beautiful smile and sparkling blue eyes before they went dark once again.

Miranda laid her free hand over the one that Andréa was stroking her with, "You know I love you Andréa."

Miranda took a deep breath and closed her eyes, she could not bear the thought of watching Andréa's reaction to what was bothering her. Andréa flipped her hand over Miranda's and gave it a squeeze.

"When I first came to New York I met someone. The only person I truly loved." Miranda felt Andréa's hand loosen its grip on her and she opened her eyes once again. "That is until I had the girls, and then you came into my life."

Andréa saw that sweet smile and sparkling eyes once again for just a split second. Andréa nodded, "The girl's Father."

Miranda shook her head, "No, before the girl's Father. At first we were just friends. We were so young and he … (Miranda chuckled) was so immature. We were both struggling to find our way. I was working the mail room at Runway and he was finishing school to become a lawyer. I had worked my way up and soon found myself in the Writing Department, and Michael …" Miranda stopped short. Her eyes closed as the tears fell.

"It is O.K. Miranda take your time. I will be here for you. Always."

Miranda saw a look of peace and compassion in Andréa's large brown eyes.

Miranda took another deep breath, "Michael found a job in upstate New York after graduation. He begged me to go with him but I could not leave my job here. He was the one who had grown up and I was the selfish one. I was finely getting what I had always dreamed of. So Michael left the city and we did the long distance thing."

Miranda shrugged her shoulders, "It was a lot harder than either of us thought it would be. Harder than I thought it would be."

"I loved him more than I ever thought possible. I could not deal with being so far away from him." Miranda barely whispered.

Miranda smiled, "One weekend when Michael came to visit he proposed." Miranda rolled her now wedding ring around her finger, "it was a tiny stone but it was the most beautiful thing I owned."

Andréa smiled sweetly and started to stroke Miranda's thigh again.

Miranda frowned and the grey eyes returned, she stopped the movement of Andréa's hand.

Miranda trembled taking in a breath, "Two months before the wedding February 10 Michael was on his way home from work and his car was hit head on by a drunk driver."

Andréa gasped, "Miranda." There was a tear in her eye.

"No, please, stop. Don't I need to get the rest of this out now or I don't know if I will ever be able to."

Andréa nodded.

Miranda closed her eyes, "Michael was trapped in his car. When they were finally able to get him out his injuries were so severe …" Miranda could not finish. She was mentally exhausted. "He was awake the whole time … and alone." The last part Miranda was sobbing so hard Andréa could not make out what she said.

Andréa got up on her knees and pulled Miranda into her arms, "I've got you Babe."

"He is gone." Miranda whispered into Andréa's ear. "I should have been there for him Andréa. If I had not been so selfish he would not have been alone."

"The accident it was on the tenth?" Andréa simply asked.

Miranda pulled back and with a tear stained face nodded.

"Oh Miranda, how … how shocking for you!" Andréa caressed Miranda's cheek, but Miranda pulled away.

"Miranda … it has been so many years. Is it always this bad?"

Miranda nodded, "I always make sure I am off. Every year … until this year. I forgot. I had forgotten all about him …"

"Until you had the dream this morning."

Miranda nodded as a tear fell from her face. Andréa looked into Miranda's eyes, "Are you upset with me?"

Miranda looked shocked, "God no Andréa. I could never be mad at you."

"It's me … being selfish once again," Miranda could barely whisper.

"My love for you is all consuming … and I forgot about him. Once again I let him down." The tears were once again streaming down her face.

"Miranda, no, you are just living. It is time, and I am so glad it is me you have found to love again. Miranda you have to believe that Michael would not want you thinking like this. Anyone who loved you as much as I do would not want this for you. They would want you to be happy and live."

Miranda listened as she looked into the huge pools of brown eyes.

Andréa saw distrust, followed by anger. Miranda's eyes turned black but Andréa continued.

"I do not know how to let go of him … how to forget him." The last few words trailed off.

"Miranda, you do not have to forget him, I would not want you to do that. Your love for him will always be there, and it should be. Now that I know, I will help you to, every February tenth, remember him, but not in a sad way. You have to promise me you will remember all the happy times you had with him, and the only thing I want you to forget is that you believe you failed him. He was in an accident. Just because you were not there does not mean he did not know how much you loved him. There was nothing you could have done to change the outcome."

Miranda closed her eyes and leaned her forehead on Andrea's, "What did I ever do to deserve two loves of a lifetime?"


End file.
